


I wish you were here with me

by Reading_nomatterwhat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, One Direction Hiatus, Post-Zayn One Direction, i have no idea what to tag this, this is barely a fanfiction, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26093878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reading_nomatterwhat/pseuds/Reading_nomatterwhat
Summary: This is basically a vent fic about my feelings over the 5 years of 'hiatus'. There is at least one timestamp from each year that One direction have been gone.
Kudos: 6





	I wish you were here with me

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said this is reallllyyy venty, like barely a story. I was listening to right now while writing it (which i would suggest you listen to while reading) and i was overcome with emotions and my family is sick of me talking about 1d so I wrote this instead for self care. Most of these scenes are fabricated (except for 2015, 2016 and 2020) BUT are based on my feelings around the boys at the time. Its very angsty, not meant to be hate or slander towards any of them just my emotions which always run high around things I love. Anyway have fun.

March 2015

“Oh my god” She stared at the computer screen in disbelief at what she was reading. This is...

**“ZAYN MALIK LEAVES ONE DIRECTION”**

“How…” She felt tears well in her eyes, they fell and crashed into the keyboard under her shaking hands. “How did it come to this?” She didn’t understand…how could he leave? Why did he leave? Didn’t he love his bandmates? His fans? Why would he… She began to shake as she collapsed into herself,  _ “Maybe this is only temporary..please let this be temporary” _

……..

August 2015

She rolled her eyes, “It’s a  _ hiatus  _ for a reason idiot” She continued walking through the lunch line with her sister following close behind. “I don’t know dude, it sounds like they're breaking up.” She stops, turns and jabs her in the side “Stop it! I know you’re doing this to get a rise out of me!”. Her sister smiled slightly “ And it's working….why do you trust them anyway?”. She sighed “I have no choice, all I can do is believe that they are telling the truth and that they’ll be back in 18 months...I don’t want to think they’d lie to us.”

……..

January 2016

She hovered her cursor over the thumbnail of Zayn...did she wanna listen to this? She was still hurting, quite a bit actually. She hadn’t really kept up with Z since he left, it hurt too much. But, she considered, she did wanna be supportive and at least give it a chance, kind of feels like she owes him. But she grimaced, ‘ _ pillowtalk?”,  _ she isn’t really the hugest fan of songs that are explicitly about... _ things.  _ It could be fine but she has a feeling he’s going for a much more direct approach than 1d’s stuff. She sighed and moved the cursor away, shoving her face into the pillow.  _ I don't want to watch it, that means he is really gone...but I also miss his face.  _ She lifted her face and clicked the video without stopping to think about it. The song began to play as she looked at Zayn for the first time in about a year.

……..

February 2017

_ It's been 18 months….I’m still here!...Why aren't you here with me? _

_ …….. _

April 2017

“What?” She leaned over the lunch table, raising an eyebrow at her friend's words “what's that?” Now it's her friends turn to raise an eyebrow, “The new Harry Styles single...Sign of the times?” At the sound of that name a pang goes through her chest, she leans back into her seat and calms her expression. “Is it any good?” she asks. “Yeah, it’s more of a moody sad song than I usually listen to but I like it” She nods,  _ well it seems H is getting on… _

……..

August 2018

She overheard the conversation as she walked towards the store. 

“What song is that?” 

“it's a new one by one of those one direction kids.”

“ohhhh didn’t they break up?” 

“Yeah, so here’s what happened-”

She tunes them out and keeps walking, she kind of wonders who it was but then again can’t bring herself to care too much. Her heart still hurts whenever she hears those names, she probably couldn't take it.

……..

December 2019

“Have you heard ‘Strip that down?” She laughed “Yeah actually, isn’t it kind of embarrassing?” Her sister nods in agreement “who puts the name of their old band in their first album since said band?!” She laughs again and shakes her head “As long as he’s having fun I guess it’s fine but it is kind of cringe worthy.” Her sister looks at her “....Do you still think they are gonna get back together?” She stops laughing and turns to look at her sister. She’s still smiling but it doesn’t come close to her eyes.” ...No….No I don’t...not anymore”

........

June 23th 2020

“I can’t believe I got my hopes” She chokes out, tears spilling all over her face. She had stopped hoping for  _ years _ . She unfollowed all of them to separate herself from them.They hurt too much to look at, to listen too. Everytime they said “was in”, everytime they admitted to not talking as often, everytime they skirted around a reunion question, every glimpse of any of their faces was another ache in her heart, another stab through her chest. At that point it was self care to unfollow them and distance herself, none of their solo music could compare to the feeling the bands songs gave anyway, it almost made her wound hurt worse. It wasn’t their fault,  _ not really _ . How could they have known that separating would leave her with an emotional wound that hasn’t healed in the 5 years that have passed? But.. it was  _ 10 years  _ , for the first time in years she let herself hope,  _ just a little _ , for something that would calm her fears, and allow the pain to let up...But  **nothing,** a website, 7 tweets and a couple videos…  **_that was all they had to show for 10 fucking years?_ ** She didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but she didn’t feel like she was asking too much. She felt pretty accommodating when they went over their “18 MOntHS” twice, when they say “was in” instead of “am in”, when they talk about getting back together like it’s pulling teeth. Maybe there’s some legal shit going on, maybe it's modest or syco. Simon has them by the neck or other complications but that doesn’t change the hurt she feels. For ONCE in 5 YEARS, She hoped they would come together even if just for the day? To talk  _ together  _ about why the 18 months turned into 5 years. Just take a fucking hour to do a Q and A with the people that have prayed and begged for answers for 5 FUCKING YEARS…….She doesn’t know how to feel, she doesn’t have all (or any) of the answers she needs to feel confident in an opinion but she  _ can’t get that information _ , she may never get those questions answered. At this point all she can do is try to sew up her heart, the threads got pulled on during the fiasco that was a 10 year anniversary….or barely one. Now all she has to look forward to is Liam’s birthday and december. Maybe...just maybe when their contract ends they will finally start fucking talking but she won’t get too excited…

She learned her fucking lesson.

  
  
  


_ “Please don't forget us” _

_ Well I feel like you’ve forgotten me _


End file.
